I’m an absolute sucker for diving into the depths of the official NFL Store to discover the weirdest objects on provide, however I’m not used to discovering pure, unbridled horror. Then I discovered the “New England Patriots Vacation Tiki Mascot Ornament” and I’ll by no means be the identical once more.
This monstrosity is on sale for $2.80, which is $2.80 an excessive amount of. This isn’t a gift, it’s a curse. You invite this horrific Patriot into your home and all of a sudden you can’t discover your scissors, then the chef’s knife is gone. You sweep all of it off as a mistake, certainly you simply misplaced them whereas desirous about different issues. That is till your loved one animals begin lacking, lastly it’s too late and the tiki ornament is killing your loved ones in a hellish massacre.
It ought to be famous that the Patriot isn’t the solely tiki ornament obtainable on NFL Store, there are a number of — however solely the Pats one is $2.80, as a result of even the NFL is aware of how cursed it is.
Essentially the most alarming a part of this is that the Pats ornament is listed as “virtually gone,” which means that people have really been buying these for themselves, pals, or family members. Why you’d invite this into your property is past me, however I’m simply so very afraid for anybody who opens this factor as a gift.